


All those Pesky Feelings

by aWk_Ward4ever



Category: Teen Titans - All Media Types
Genre: Beast Boy POV, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Older Characters, Raven point of view, confused!Raven, empath!Raven
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-17
Updated: 2016-05-15
Packaged: 2018-05-14 10:13:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5739760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aWk_Ward4ever/pseuds/aWk_Ward4ever
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As an Empath, Raven senses other peoples emotions, but rarely her own.  A new unfamiliar emotion from Beast Boy confuses her, but she really begins to hate this particular emotion when she actually feels it - her first emotion in two years - and she can't even name it, perfect, just what she needs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. WTF

            Raven had always sensed them. It was impossible not to. All those fucking emotions were everywhere. They floated off other people and saturated the air around her. It was a suffocating cloud that Raven couldn’t escape, no matter how often she had tried. It was easier to be alone. Away from all the fresh emotions that bubble off of the surface of the other Titans’ skins, Raven found it easier to breathe. Although even in empty rooms, Raven could feel the strongest, most recent emotions - which lingered on the furniture and seeped deeply into fabrics and couldn’t simply be washed out - for months.

           Starfire always produced a warm feeling Raven had come to associate with joy. It was like the first warm day of spring after a harsh winter. The cold bitter air just beginning to heat up under the comforting glow of the sun. This particular ooey-gooey emotion annoyed Raven, especially when Starfire and Robin were in the same room together. Then Starfire’s “ _happy”_ emotion would amplify and Robin’s – eww – _love_ emotions would combine with hers to create a lethal combination that Cupid probably used in his stupid arrows.

          Robin would usually discharge a sour feeling almost like biting into an under ripe orange. Revenge, Raven had come to learn, left a bad taste in her mouth, and Robin sure did produce a lot of it. She almost preferred the sugary sweet love that he leaked when Starfire kissed him, or touched his hand, or talked to him… or really whenever they were in the same room. Raven didn’t particularly like this emotion either, but she preferred Robin’s diabetes inducing _love_ to Cyborg’s pain and loneliness.

          In many ways, Cyborg was alone, even though he had his friends in Titan Tower, he wasn’t a human, but he certainly wasn’t a machine either. Cyborg released waves of shadowing self-doubt. And that’s what it felt like. A shadow, darkness, blocking out and overpowering that soft glow coming off of Starfire. Raven didn’t like this emotion, _depression_ , either, although she will admit she hates most emotions. However this chilling darkness reminded her too much of her own life. It absorbed her in a pit of despair, reminding her of a past littered with shame and confusion, self-hate and isolation. Raven avoided Cyborg when he was in one of those moods. However, Cyborg was rarely in this mood, because he was mostly with Beast Boy, and in the little green boy’s presence, Cyborg was almost as warm and happy as Starfire.

        Beast Boy, well… Raven wasn’t exactly sure what to think of Beast Boy. Beast Boy felt like the sun’s warmth and tooth rotting candy and sour orange and shadows and the first step into the pool when the cold shocks you. That last emotion had taken Raven longer to figure out than she would have liked to admit. After nearly seven months of living with Beast Boy she suddenly realized that shocking, yet pleasant, cold sensation was _mischief_. Whenever Beast Boy wanted to play around with someone – unfortunately more often than not that someone was Raven – he would start generating that chilled feeling and Raven learned to start avoiding him before he started pranking her.

       Surprisingly that isn’t Raven’s least favorite emotion of Beast Boy’s. It used to be before she discovered what it meant, but that’s more because she hates mysteries and less because she dislikes the sensation. Nowadays her least favorite of Beast Boy’s emotions is also her least favorite emotion ever. Mostly because, well… it confuses her. Not only does it frustrate her because Raven can’t figure out which stupid emotion it is, it is also incredibly frustrating that this emotion, whatever it is, makes her … feel things. And that might sound strange, but it’s true. Raven may be an empath, but she still is first and foremost a half demon. Demon blood, by its very nature, repels all things remotely human. And emotions as a human trait, cannot be felt by demons. However, being only half demon and half human, she, naturally, only feels some of all emotions. Although those emotions are rare and far between, when she does feel one it controls her completely. The emotion ingrains itself into Raven leaving her affected for days afterwards. Raven used to feel those emotions more often because her demon blood only repels half of all her emotions. Being an empath makes her too vulnerable and her life became twenty times easier when she learned to block out most of the remaining emotions she used to experience. It makes her life convenient except for the one unexpected side effect Raven experiences. Any emotions that break though her mental barrier are so strong and intense that Raven can barely do anything except feel them and sometimes Raven fears that's worse than feeling everything she's supposed to.

      So really it is quite annoying that Beast Boy leaves her with this emotion. As much as Raven really hates to, she has to admit that a small – very, very small, minute, even – part of her likes this god-damn, awful emotion Beast Boy introduced to her. There is just something about the sensation that terrible emotion leaves behind. It feels like the most amazing thing Raven has ever sensed. The first time she sensed it, Raven had been reading a book about demonic energy in the Titan’s living room. She figured one of the Titans had gotten cold and had lit the fire place. That’s what it had initially reminded her of. The gentle heat soothing the cold out of your bones. Personal heat, crackling with life, dangerous and beautiful at the same time. Raven had only realized that she had been actually sensing an emotion after it disappeared. Beast Boy had left the living room muttering something about organizing his comic books and he took that enticing, stupid heat with him.

     Over the next weeks, that feeling surrounded Raven more and more often. The feeling intensified around Raven until one day it _stuck around_ after Beast Boy left. It was the first emotion Raven had felt in nearly two years after the last time when she got happy – really _happy_ – after she found her favorite flavor of ice cream (mint chocolate chip) in the freezer. Cut her a break, she was on her period and just had some serious cramps. Feeling an emotion is different than sensing it. Mostly because that feeling is about five hundred times more intense when she actually feels it. Happiness goes from feeling like the first sunny day of spring to the hottest day of the year… on the surface of the sun. It boils under her skin and makes her burst with laughter. _Laughter_ , of all torturous things. Fortunately for Raven, the happiness only lasts three days and 9 hours. Although it takes the Titans an extra day to stop shooting her confused looks because she can’t stop smiling and Beast Boy’s jokes makes her laugh until she’s gasping for breath. This new emotion, is also more powerful now that she’s the one actually feeling it. It makes her itch. She’s still being warmed by the fire only now the fire’s inside of her instead of gently heating her. Raven can feel her insides boiling away with… with, well, something. That’s why she wants to know what this feeling is. She’s just experiencing this emotion that makes her so restless and that makes her crazy. If she doesn’t know what it is, Raven can’t fight it – and that scares her, you know, at least if she could feel like a normal person it would.


	2. I'm so screwed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raven finally discovers what that stupid emotion was, but she's not prepared for the reality of knowing this new emotion.

         Raven wouldn’t say he was driving her crazy, exactly, but that morning she went to the kitchen to make some tea and none other than Beast Boy was sitting on the counter. His green legs swinging and thumping the counter as he hummed – hummed – at five fucking thirty in the morning while eating a banana. Now, while Raven found that quite annoying, she decided to take the high road. “Good morning, Beast Boy,” Raven muttered under her breath.

        “How ya doin’, Rae?” Beast Boy slurred his words through a mouthful of banana, little flecks of the soft fruit flying from his mouth. He watched her with laughing eyes, that pool cold sensation passed over Raven and suddenly she can’t take it.

       In nine years of living with that creature, nine years of childish pranks he never grew out of, endless bickering and the most concentrated emotions Raven has ever experienced, it all suddenly became too much. Normally Raven doesn’t get involved because the closer you are to the person the more tuned in to their emotions you become. Living with the Titans has been excruciatingly difficult. She finally meets some people she can be herself around and yet Raven still has to distance herself or she’ll be completely overwhelmed by the strength of her friends’ emotions. “What the hell is wrong with you, Beast Boy?”

      Immediately the funky pool sensation dries up and a shadow falls over the room. “Um…” Beast Boy clears his throat of banana and tries to smile. “Oh, you know, just your resident mutant.” He tries to choke up a laugh, but doesn’t he remember who he’s trying to fool?

     “Enough with the bullshit, Beast Boy,” Raven stares him down as he freezes, hand still raised to rub the back of his neck in uncertainty. “I’m an empath, in case you forgot. No need to play it off.” Ugh… why the hell did she let those… those stupidly un-mean words fall out of her mouth? If she goes around comforting people and being nice, or whatever, then the Titans will try to spend more time with her and then their emotions will be freakin’ everywhere.

     The super concentrated feeling of being draped in shadows recedes and becomes nothing more than a dark corner of Beast Boy’s emotional spectrum. “That was, well, not like you at all, Rae.” Raven smirks at his confusion. “Don’t worry either, I won’t tell the others,” it’s now Beast Boy’s turn to smile. “It can be our little secret.”

      Before Raven can protest the thought of anything, including a secret, belonging to her and Beast Boy, he hops off of the counter, throws the banana peel away and tosses himself out of the open kitchen window, effortlessly transforming into a large, green raven as he begins to fall. “Seriously, BB?” she asks herself as she begins her morning routine.

     In the middle of drinking her tea and eating a bowl of strawberry yogurt, Cyborg enters the kitchen wearing his favorite apron and carrying the waffle maker in one arm and a whisk in the other. After an incident involving Starfire and a toaster fire Cyborg started keeping all of his nice cooking supplies locked in his room. Despite Starfire’s protest that she now knows that a toaster does not attack after it dings and therefore should not be shot when the toast is ready, Cyborg banished Starfire from the kitchen. “Hey, Raven,” Cyborg greets cheerily.

     “Cyborg,” Raven concedes. Raven is glad that Cyborg doesn’t attempt to continue the conversation and merely starts making waffle batter from scratch. The silence only ends after Raven washes her dishes in the sink, leaves them to dry on the rack, and begins to leave the room.

     “Raven?” Cyborg asks. She gives a little grunt in confirmation. “I know you don’t like waffles, but could you wake all the other Titans?” the big man asks in almost a comical mother of the year voice. Raven leaves the room without acknowledging Cyborg’s request.

     Despite her lack of answer, Raven goes to the other Titans’ rooms. She wakes Starfire first. A gentle shaking of Starfire’s shoulder has the Tamaran sweeping off her bed covers and hovering in the air with a carefree shriek. “Oh, good day, Friend Raven!” Starfire shouts. “Will you join us for the breaking of the fast this morning, Friend?”

    Raven doesn’t respond, but before she leaves the door she says just loudly enough for Starfire to hear her, “You’d better take care of that bed hair before Robin sees you.” A loud echo of, “Thank you, Friend Raven,” follows her as she walks down the hall to Robin’s room. Robin is already awake and dressed in uniform when Raven phases through the door.

    “So what’s Cyborg making?” the boy wonder asks with a smile as he adjusts his mask on his face.

     “Waffles,” Raven responds, her voice even and monotone. Robin nods. He has come not to expect more from Raven and simply follows her out of his room heading down to the kitchen while Raven continues down the hall way to Beast Boy’s room.

      Even before phasing through the wall, Raven can sense Beast Boy is in his room because he’s feeling _that_ emotion. The one that Raven has still been unable to name and she admits that her curiosity takes over. Raven slips into Beast Boy’s room and draws an invisibility spell over her form. Beast Boy isn’t actually in his bedroom, but in his connecting bathroom. Raven phases through that door too, knowing that she has taken this too far and she’s invading her friend’s privacy. Raven wants to stop and leave Beast Boy and his emotions be, but she just can’t.

      Once she is within the bathroom, the first thing she notices is the overly  powerful sensation of fire crackling around the room filling it like the steam from the shower Beast Boy is taking. The next thing that comes to Raven’s attention, draws a blush to her cheeks. He gurgles out a soft moan and Raven can see his form through the clouded glass of the shower door his bent over frame, one hand pressed up against the tile and one… moving back and forth slowly in a pumping motion.

     He’s… he’s… She can’t even think it because Beast Boy is masturbating and she snuck into his room. Oh gods, Raven is a pervert. She must be because instead of leaving the room and letting Beast Boy finish in peace, she stays. Beast Boy… Garth, Garfield, she decides- this is too intimate to use his alter ego – moans deliciously, the hand supporting his weight against the wall begins to shake. Garth tosses his head up, “Raven,” he murmurs, before his whole body begins to shake.  After he finishes coming, he slides down the floor and lays flat on his back, the shower still on and pelting his front. “I’m so screwed,” Garth says to the seemingly empty room.

     Raven phases through Garth’s bathroom wall and back into the hallway. As she walks away she can’t help but agree with him. She is so fucking screwed because even as she turns the corner and enters her own room, the sensation of a roaring fireplace doesn’t leave. Raven experiences her second emotion – her second _lust –_ in two weeks.


	3. Chock Full of Emotional Shit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raven is struggling through her last and things take an interesting turn with Beast Boy.

      Let's just say Raven wasn't particularly experienced with these ...  _emotions_ , and lust was one hell of an emotion to have.  Her back fused to the bed with a thick layer of sweat.  Her violet hair was tossed behind her, a curly damp mess.  Raven's arms were restless, carving a trail of simmering heat up and down her body.  She wanted to give in.  Raven craved to just unwind her twisted, squished together legs and bury her hands where they really wanted to go.  

      Sure, Raven had been curious before.  She'd touched and stroked and loved her hands on her clit.  She'd crooked and dipped and desired her slim fingers buried within her pussy.  Raven had been so earnest in her curiosity to explore her entire body, to chase after that glorious ache and sinful wetness she hadn't even realized what was about to happen, hadn't even known something as wonderful as an orgasm could happen.

     For once in her life Raven hadn't been afraid of feeling something.  How had she never tried it until she was seventeen?  Of course for the past three years she'd done it at least once a week, but always when she was sure no one was home.  It was too risky that one of the other Titans would overhear her, so she only dared to touch herself after everyone left the tower for some 'fun' team building exercise.

    Actually, Raven was quite disappointed with herself.  Last time she hadn't even put the clues together and figured out that that fire-like emotion was lust.  Some intellectual she was.  It all seemed so obvious to Raven now.  The flushed skin, the sweat slicked hair, the thumping ache between her legs... and, oh gods, the strange looks Beast Boy had been sending her.

      Fuck, the little twerp had known.  He had... he'd smelt her fluids dripping between her thighs and.....  And then it came to her.  Raven had a terrific, wonderful, beautiful idea.  

    Yanking herself out of bed, Raven dashed into the bathroom.  She peeled out of her clothes, animalistically satisfied with the squishy smack that emanated from her panties as they hit the tiled floor.  Her hands shook as she splashed cool water on her face, shivering pleasantly when the chilled liquid dripped from her chin to her breasts.  "Oh, you naughty little Beast Boy," Raven purred to the empty room as her voice echoed off the tiles before she swept her cape over her naked form and phased through the door.

        Raven was without remorse when she phased through the walls to the living room, remaining completely silent.  The Titans were all lounging around.  Robin and Starfire on the love seat where Starfire read poetry from her home planet.  Cyborg laying on his side across the entire couch length where he played video games with him.  He was sitting cross legged on the edge of the sofa, much like a cat would, except in his paws he clutched a gaming remote instead of yarn.  Raven waited patiently for him to take notice of her.  Of course it would be much too boring to sit around waiting for Beast Boy - Garth, perhaps - to acknowledge her.  

      Very carefully, to avoid wafting her scent toward him, she floated to the back of the sofa and perched one pale, smooth leg beside a fuzzy green knee.  Raven trailed her fingers up her leg, delighting in the wave of burning pleasure released in their tracks.  Any of the heat that had mellowed out from her core while focusing her powers on invisibility returned at full force with that simple touch.  Garth's fingers stumbled on the controller's buttons.  Raven longed to lean down and whisper in his ear, to tell him she had a much more interesting button that he could play with.  But that would ruin her game.  Cyborg was sitting far too close to risk talking.

      But what her fellow Titans couldn't see, or couldn't smell, wouldn't hurt them.  Her unpolished, square tipped fingernails journeyed up her thigh to the center between her legs.  Careful to remain silent, Raven twisted her pointer and middle finger around her clit, picking up enough moisture to wet both sides of her finger.  

      With a shaking hand, she couldn't tell if it was from excitement or nerves, Raven lifted those fingers to beneath Garth's nostrils and waited.  


	4. The Bird and the Bees

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is from BB's point of view. Beast Boy gets it on with Raven.

            Beast Boy nearly toppled backwards off the couch.  "Holy shit," he murmured under his breath.  Every hair on his body stood at attention.  Hell, forget his hair, every single tiny cell was paying attention waiting for Raven’s next move.  It seemed as if half of his brain power was devoted to memorizing the smell wafting into his nose.  The video game, what video game?  Garfield was so far away from thinking about the stupid racing game he would need a map of the universe to find any thoughts about it.  Garth couldn't focus, the bitter sweet punch of grapefruit drowned out his usually powerful nostrils until, in surrender, Beast Boy gave into his instincts and took a deep inhale.

         His eyes shot wide open and Garth nearly toppled backwards for a second time.  Even though Beast Boy had been discreet in his scenting, Raven had noticed.  Hell, she was the one who was teasing him, of course she noticed.  Rae had been teasing him for years, unintentionally at first.  Back when he first met Raven, she was just a childhood crush.  After puberty that crush  had matured into a pornworthy fantasy.  Raven had never shown  any interest in him before so Beast Boy tried to distance himself.  If he got a little too carried away staring at miles of uncovered pale legs, he always left the room.  If he started having psychotic daydreams about his future with Raven, he played video games, or swam laps in dolphin form, or flew as a emerald green raven.  

      Only ... this week was different.  It started that morning they ran into each other in the kitchen.  Beast Boy had started to feel that particular ache in his chest that he had come to associate with his girl.  Yeah, Garth knew it was a little crazy to be calling Rae his girl, but he couldn't help it.  He'd quickly escaped the situation before he did something certifiable like admit his unwavering love for Raven and offer to give her oral over the kitchen counter.

      After a failed attempt to clear his head among the clouds, Garth returned to his bedroom with a heavy heart and suspiciously tight pants.  Come on, Raven had been wearing a tank top that morning - with no bra! He'd set off to solve his not so little problem the usual way, with a hot shower and an imaginary purple haired vixen.  

    Beast Boy had just gotten started when a familiar little gasp caught his attention.  At first he thought all the dreaming he had been doing recently had finally caught up with him, but a few minutes later he smelt her.  Raven's scent was fresh and potent.  Far to new to be from earlier in the kitchen and far too strong to be explained by her scent getting caught in his clothes which lay in a lump on the floor.  Raven was there.  God, Raven could see him.  His heart rate had tripled, his climax approached, his breathing grew labored.  The sharp bite of grapefruit attacked the air, a scent Garth had become familiar with the last few years - Rae's arousal.  

      Throwing his head back, Beast Boy had come harder than he ever had before.  He doesn't remember what he said, what he'd been thinking, or how he managed to stand.  All he remembers is the blinding joy of knowing, that after all these years, Raven wanted him too.

       Returning in the present, Garth covered a moan with a cough as a warmth pressed against his back.  Through his graphic t-shirt he could make out the shape of two boobs topped with needle like nipples making their assault on his shoulder blades.  

    "YESSSS!" Cyborg shouted as his car passed the finish line a mile before Garth's, breaking Beast Boy's focus on Rae's body.  Almost immediately, the warm on his back retreats and moments later Beast Boy hears a distant click - a door closing.  Only that wasn't the sound of Raven’s lock.  This one was much more familiar.  Raven had gone to his room and sent him a very clear message.  She didn't need doors.  She could have gone in there and he would have never known.  Rae wanted him to know where she was... and, he dared to hope, she did so because she wanted Garth to join her.  

      Without making up an excuse, Beast Boy fled the room, chasing Raven's scent all the way back to his room.  He flung the door open not even registering the smack as the door collided with the wall.  All he heard was his thunderous heart beat ringing in his ears. Quickly entering the room, the remaining energy returned the wobbling door to its original position in the frame.  Garth couldn't feel the rush of air on his backside that followed the door all he felt was the torturous throb of his dick against the zipper of his jeans.  And for the love of God, all he could see was the naked expanse of Raven’s flawless skin stretched across his bed.  

      She reclined there so casually, as if this was normal for them.  Her eyes bored into him like lazers.  They burnt into his chest muscles that popped through the worn fabric of his shirt on each heaving breath.  They cauterized his hip bones where his jeans clung to his form.  They charred his cock like the pain of him staring at her didn't hurt enough.  But most of all, worse than any of that, when her eyes met his they melted him.  Every one of Garth’s muscles, emotions, thoughts dissolved into a puddle of goo under her gaze.  

         Without breaking eye contact, Rae turned from her side onto her back and stretched open her legs in invitation.  Garth took a leap forward in excitement before freezing in his  - well he would have said boots but he was actually bare footed - place.  "Rae," Beast Boy choked out.  Fuck, his voice was shot.  "Rae," he tried again, "are you..." He swallowed harshly.  "Are you?"

         Raven exhaled sharply sounding... annoyed?  "Gods, Garth.  What does a girl have to do around here to get fucked by the one guy she can stand being with?" 

      While it wasn't exactly a testament of love, it was something.  It was the first time Beast Boy had ever heard Raven express her opinion on something... ever.  And honestly, being told by Raven she could actually stand him, when he'd been under the impression for years she was completely ignoring him, was actually comforting.

       "Raven," Garfield moaned.  "You dirty, no good girl."  His breathing spiked when he saw another gush of moisture leak from between Raven's legs.  Without anymore hesitation, he draped his mouth over Rae's cunt and gave a harsh suck to the entire area.  Raven's thighs tightened over his ears as her back lifted off his sheets.  Her heals pummeled his back when he pointed his tongue and curled it around her clit.  Garth's fingers - which were previously resting under her butt, coping a feel, - took their rightful place buried within her.  

     It wasn't long before Raven’s teasing moans became full out begging.  It was an even shorter amount of time before Rae's pleas because shouts as she tumbles over the edge of oblivion.  Raven's fingers tightened in his hair and yanked upward, drawing the panting Boy to meet her bitten and wrecked lips.

     Their teeth clashed in a fight for dominance.  Their tongues wrestled for space in each other's mouths.  Their lips pulled and pushed like the waves.  They didn't kiss, they battled.  

       Eventually, Raven gained the upper hand.  In a sneak attack Garth lost oral battlefield when he felt confident hands tear his aged t-shirt in two.  "Pants.  Off." Raven ordered in choppy sentences and Beast Boy didn't care to argue.  His jeans his the floor along with the tattered remains of his shirt.  Completely naked he kneeled before Raven - he didn't wear underwear, EVER.  With a greedy smile, delicate hands groped at Garfield's dick.  He was on the brink, he could feel his release.  But he also knew Raven had another go in her.  Without apology, Garth ripped her hands away and slammed them on the mattress over her head.  

    In a particularly complicated move, Garfield managed to grab hold of her left nipples with his lips and thrust within her at the same time.  Rae screamed and he bit down harshly on her nipple.  It was like molten silk clinging to him and if he ever wanted to do this with Raven again he better make it worth her while before he blew his load.

       Fighting against his need for release, Garth delivered.  With a tortured yell they finish... well not exactly together, this was their first time after all, but close enough to it.  With a satisfied groan, Garth pulled out and flopped down next to Raven who immediately turned over to rest her head on his sweaty chest.  Of all things Beast Boy never expected Rae to be as cuddler.  

      "No wonder there's so much fuss about the birds and the bees," Raven said, voice horse from yelling.  A laugh exploded from his chest, shaking her violet head up as and down.  "But next time, I want to suck you off," she continued.

      The laughter dried up in his throat.  "Damn, baby," he hissed.  Raven just smiled, the little minx.


	5. How did all that happen?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raven goes to Cyborg for advice about Beast Boy...  
> Beast Boy also goes to Cyborg for advice and hears something he knew all along, but never wanted to hear.

         The first thing Raven notices when she returns to consciousness is the vacant spot in her mind.  There were no emotions swimming around and making her do crazy things like proposition Beast Boy.  'Holy shit,' she thinks as her eyes jump open revealing a dark green nipple attached to a slightly lighter green pectoral.  Well, this might be awkward in the near future.

         After last night's activities, losing her virginity and then sixty-nining with Garth, they had fallen asleep, sheets and blankets kicked to the end of the bed and huddled together for warmth. And while Raven had liked everything that had already happened, what was she supposed to do now?

        There was no uncontrolled lust rolling around inside her, just regular Raven was leftover.  Was it still okay to be here with Garfield after last night?  Something, somewhere deep within her, answered, " _No."_  Raven didn't think twice and phased through the room into a burning shower, using the heat to wipe away her sweat and uncertainty.  

      Although Raven dreaded the thought, she knew that there was no escape from Beast Boy and eventually they would need to talk.  That wouldn't have been a problem if Raven knew how to explain to her sensitive teammate that she had not intention of a repeat performance and even worse... she didn't love the green boy... not the way he deserved.  And she never could.

      Raven didn't know what love even was, but she did know that Garfield loved her.  Even more she knew that Beast Boy wouldn't understand, no couldn't understand, that they didn't belong together.  How could they?  Garth's emotions were constant and rolling stronger than anything else she'd ever experienced before Raven had met him all those years ago.  And Rae wasn't sure if service could handle that.  More than that she knew that Garth deserved better, except it wouldn't be easy to explain all that to Garth. Raven needed a Beast Boy expert.

                                   ...

        To say the least, when Cyborg went to bed last night, he didn't expect Raven to nearly burst down his door this morning and ruin his sleep at... Cy glanced at the clock, 4:16 in the God damn morning.  He wanted to kick her out, tell her to leave him alone and they could talk later when it wasn't four fucking sixteen, but Cyborg couldn't.  With one look at Raven’s face he could tell that whatever this was couldn't wait.

      Cyborg needed to reboot, or update, or ... or just do something to help him process.  Maybe if he baked something. Baking always helped him relax.  He could make muffins, banana nut, he could make them - ugh he could barely think the word - vegan so Beast Boy could have something to make him feel better.  If Cy needed to be soothed after having that shit bucket dropped on him then he had a feeling that Garth would need some real comfort to get over the fuck storm Raven was about to drop on him.

    "Raven," Cyborg started, "Let me get this straight."  He used both hands to rub his face while he got his thoughts together.  "You had sex with the kindest, most thoughtful, wears his fucking emotions on his damn sleeves, Garfield and now you want my help to crush his God damn heart."

     "Cyborg, you know it's not like that."  Shit, that's the worst part, he knew it wasn't like that at all.  Raven physically, or rather emotionally, couldn't be with Garth like that - not truthfully at least.

     "God, Rae this is a shit covered mess."  She nodded solemnly.  "It's like you took a bad situation, chugged a whole bottle of hot sauce and just took a dump all over this already coated in diaheria situation.  Like this couldn't have been worse if you had..."

     "I get it Cyborg," Raven said, her regularly monotone voice was colored with a hint of annoyance.  "Damn it, Cyborg, do you think I want all this?"  Her voice wavered along with all the tools on the shelf behind her, shit this is getting worse.  "It was a mistake yesterday, and ... and it can't happen again, Cyborg.  Already - after just one night, being this close to him is messing with my emotions and I might lose control."

     On her last word a glass jar holding screws flies off of the top shelf and crashes into the wall begins the window.  The glass shatters and the screws roll everywhere, curling around Cyborgs ankles and bouncing from his bed to the wooden floor.  Cyborg had originally had carpet in his room like the rest of the Titans, but after one too many oil spills he changed the flooring in his room.  "Fucking hell, Raven.  There's no easy way around this and you sure as shit can't sugar coat this and give that boy anymore hope."  He looks into Raven's eyes which quickly turn down in shame, embarrassment, acceptance?  Cy can't tell.

    "You do realize he loves you already?"  Another jar explodes, followed by another, and another, until all the containers neatly arranged on the shelf are just piles of glass with bits of metal mixed in.  Raven rises to her feet, dark cape flowing around her floating ankles as she phases through the locked door without sparing Cyborg or the mess a glance.  

    "That's why all of this is so difficult."  Her quiet voice fills the room even as she disappears from it.  "Well, fuck," Cyborg says to the empty room, cradling his throbing forehead in both hands.  

     "You can say that again."  Cyborg freezes, shoulders tense before he forces himself to look up and sees Garth step from the shadowed corner of his room next to the slightly cracked open window.

     "Fuck, fuck, fuckity fucking shit," Cyborg rants as he begins to pace the room.  "How long have you been standing there?"  

     "Give or take five minutes since Raven sneaked out of my bed," is the tight response that comes from the crossed armed green man.  Cyborg can tell Beast Boy is desperately trying to hold it together, but his damp eyes and trembling lips tell a different story.

    Cy groaned.  "Why wouldn't you say anything BB?" Cyborg is already shaking his head when Garth responds, expecting his answer.

     "I wasn't going to just wake you up, dude. That's just a dick move.  If I was gonna bother you with my problems I was going to let you get some sleep first."  Garth begins to physically tremble, his words starting to shake.  Cyborg stills his restless pacing and approaches his best friend one mechanical hand coming to rest on his sweatshirt covered shoulder.  

     "And then Raven came in and I just thought," he paused to shake his head, "I hoped, that it wasn't as bad as I had thought.  That maybe," tears start to fall from green eyes.  Beast Boy doesn't finish his sentence, doesn't need to finish his sentence because Cyborg knows.

     Beast Boy thought that maybe, if he tried hard enough, Raven would suddenly love him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry about all this. I can't believe I haven't posted since January. Thanks for sticking with me.

**Author's Note:**

> This idea just came to me one night while I was searching for a good BBRAE fiction to read. Let me know what you think.


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